November 2nd, 2009 - The Valve in the Bear's Paw
Richard: “That’s certainly a lot to cover, so I’ll try to keep my responses and impressions in order to avoid confusion.
“The valve in my hand is a bit of a mystery. Did the right forelimb split from the inside or crumple? It would indicate whether the valve was creating pressure or releasing it and might give me some idea of how this parallels spiritually. It seems there was a paradigm shift at this point in order to get through a metaphor which wouldn’t have worked with live flesh. That’s the only way I can rationalize the change from flesh to synthetic materials.
Attacks on the Bears Legs
Richard: “The sudden attacks to my legs confuse me. I have difficulty determining whether some part of me is inflicting them on myself deliberately or if it’s from an outward source. I admit that when I was in college I had two really bad habits, both have left their mark. I would punish myself for my own shortcomings in the fashion of the flagellant orders of old; razors, nails, broken glass; I would pound it all into the muscles of my upper legs where it wouldn’t normally show as a form of censure. Every personal failure resulted in such a session. The other habit involved doing the same, but for the purposes of exceeding my pain threshold. I was never suicidal, but in my worst moments I thought that if I could withstand any physical pain I could never be hurt, and I could take anything the world or my father threw at me. I’m sorry for not making this connection earlier, but I was scared; I’ve never told anyone before and was afraid of how it would be taken. Your mention that you have confided in me things which you would not normally tell others gave me the courage to write this. Thank you.
“In any case, I’m not sure that that instance of damage to my legs was caused by another or my own self-inflicted attempts to break free from the spot where I was nailed down.
“The paws and the bear’s ability to walk I think is a metaphor for my ability to grow as a person and go forward in life. Anything which would inhibit that is an attack on the legs, or so I’m guessing.”
Me: When the right forelimb split (which I didn’t actually see happen, as I’d looked away for a second), it was as if the bear was constructed like a cheap Barbie doll – the hollow kind, not the ones with solid limbs – and had the leg peeled apart at the seams, outward to each side. To be honest, I’m not clear on whether the valve and the split leg had anything to do with each other, though it seems plausible. You see, the valve was a bad thing from the start, and was totally removed and the opening apparently healed before the split happened.
Richard, I am really proud of you for coming out and saying about your habits during college. While I cannot imagine doing these things, I can somewhat understand the need for inflicting great pain. I have been suicidal, so am glad to hear you’ve not walked that road. (I’m not suicidal now, so don’t worry.) What you described about the glass, nails, etc. matches what I saw in the bear. Yet it was as if someone else had done it – that was the feeling, as if the bear couldn’t figure out how to stop it happening, and had absolutely no control over either the pain or the wounds. It wasn’t as if it was something that he had chosen, in any way – yet it was something that he seemed to take as a matter of course, and couldn’t pay the least mental attention to. I noticed, but he was like, “Oh, ho hum, another walk in the park” – even though the objects were keeping him from moving freely.
The Voodoo Doll
Richard: “The destruction of the doll might be representative of the destruction of that urge to inflict harm, but this is pure speculation on my part.
Me: I can’t judge the bear’s reaction to the voodoo doll, because he didn’t seem to see it. It was a separate vision. However, I have trouble believing the doll was some kind of manifestation of the bear’s self-destruction. The thing is, I’ve never heard of a voodoo doll in any context but an outright attack on another person. Of course, there are other kinds of dolls that look similar, and they don’t all have evil purposes, but this one most certainly did. I’m not suggesting necessarily that a real person made a real voodoo doll to represent you. But I wouldn’t completely rule it out, either. Even if the doll is purely representational, I would say it was the thoughts or feelings or even prayers of someone out to destroy you (not all prayers go to the Creator, and not all those that don’t are non-viable. Words and faith are both powerful, even apart from God). Whose work was this?:
The Toxins (Green Dots)
Richard: “The toxins from my medications could be related to my eye-drops. They’re the only thing keeping my eye problems manageable, but they can cause glaucoma as a side effect. I will say that my eyes, although not cured, are less painful today. They’re certainly much less painful than yesterday.”
Me: “Your assessment is plausible, certainly. I’ll go back in at some point and see if there’s something I can do to correct the eye problems. I’m guessing I may actually have to deactivate the medication momentarily, to make the true nature of the problems clear, otherwise I may just get muddied symptoms, and an even muddier cure. Unless you have an objection, I’ll try to choose a time when you’ll almost certainly be sleeping, to do this work. Let me know.”
Try Writing All Day When You Feel Like This:
This article was originally published elsewhere. Below are a few of the original comments:
ButterflyWings,
I agree with your assessment of the voodoo doll, and will pray for the truth about it to be revealed. The Lord said that those who are not for Him are against Him, and there is no middle ground in the spiritual realm. We belong to Him immediately when we come to Him in faith, but our souls often need to be taken back from the kingdom of darkness a piece at a time. – LiftedUp
LiftedUp,
I often think how tired the Lord must feel sometimes of how slowly we allow ourselves to be won over to Him, even after we are technically His. Yet, I know that it must be exciting for Him, too, to see us made over into His image, and living in the freedom He desires for us. I believe I share a little of this delight each time I see my children, or dogs or horses, finally *getting* something that they have been struggling with, and overcoming it in a conscious way.
I do not yet have the understanding of the voodoo doll that I would like to. That is another thing I am waiting on the Lord to explain, or to cause to be revealed. I think it is probably a complicated situation, involving three or more people (Richard, and at least two others). I believe this because I have learned that is often the case when answers seem particularly darkened. This may mean we have to wait for some kind of cooperation or repentence from at least one of those other people, in order to fully solve the mystery of the voodoo doll. – Me
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